Rockin’ Riker
@rockinriker.bsky.social
Commander. Lover. Chair Enthusiast.
Pinned
Rockin’ Riker
@rockinriker.bsky.social
· Nov 22
Hey kids, any Friday plans? There’s kind of a four loko & cheeseballs vibe going on tonight, am I right? That reminds me, Data, drop whatever you’re doing and find out everything you can about the possibility of a fifth loko. No Wes, I’m deadly serious. If it’s out there, we need to find it.
Yes Data, I AM wearing Ugg boots filled with pumpkin spice lattes. Why? It’s quite simple; the Ambassador will never hear my coming. Nothing is quieter than Ugg boots Data, that’s just science. And the lattes will keep my feet warm, so I can take my time. You see, his vision is based on movement and
November 8, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Yes Data, I AM wearing Ugg boots filled with pumpkin spice lattes. Why? It’s quite simple; the Ambassador will never hear my coming. Nothing is quieter than Ugg boots Data, that’s just science. And the lattes will keep my feet warm, so I can take my time. You see, his vision is based on movement and
Yes Data, I carved all these pumpkins myself. Impressive, I know. Pay special attention to the detail work!! And yes, before you ask, they are ALL erotic works of art!
October 22, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Yes Data, I carved all these pumpkins myself. Impressive, I know. Pay special attention to the detail work!! And yes, before you ask, they are ALL erotic works of art!
Oh it’s very simple, Data. The reason I’m cleverly disguised as a shrub is to infiltrate the Ambassador’s garden party. Yes! The one tonight. He’ll never see me coming. Because of the disguise, you see. Or don’t see. Keep up, Data. Anywho, I need you to hand me my basket of exploding eclairs STAT!!
October 21, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Oh it’s very simple, Data. The reason I’m cleverly disguised as a shrub is to infiltrate the Ambassador’s garden party. Yes! The one tonight. He’ll never see me coming. Because of the disguise, you see. Or don’t see. Keep up, Data. Anywho, I need you to hand me my basket of exploding eclairs STAT!!
Reposted by Rockin’ Riker
// hey, every one of you liberal mother fuckers who thinks that everything that’s going on is no big deal? You voted blue so it’s cool? It’ll shake itself out in the next “election”? Fuck you. You’re part of the problem, nestled in your privilege.
Let me remind you:
1/
Let me remind you:
1/
September 26, 2025 at 5:29 PM
// hey, every one of you liberal mother fuckers who thinks that everything that’s going on is no big deal? You voted blue so it’s cool? It’ll shake itself out in the next “election”? Fuck you. You’re part of the problem, nestled in your privilege.
Let me remind you:
1/
Let me remind you:
1/
DATA! I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m standing here in a bedazzled thong, my body covered with olive oil, parsley, garlic, warp grease, tomato paste, salt, hot cheeto dust, Four Loko spillage, pasties, flour, assorted potatoes, a series of small origami birds, spider webs, spiders, spiderman socks
September 26, 2025 at 12:00 PM
DATA! I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m standing here in a bedazzled thong, my body covered with olive oil, parsley, garlic, warp grease, tomato paste, salt, hot cheeto dust, Four Loko spillage, pasties, flour, assorted potatoes, a series of small origami birds, spider webs, spiders, spiderman socks
DATA! I just realized! Do you know what this rapture needs??
NIGHTBIRD!!!
FEEEWWWWAAAAMP
NIGHTBIRD!!!
FEEEWWWWAAAAMP
September 23, 2025 at 9:58 PM
DATA! I just realized! Do you know what this rapture needs??
NIGHTBIRD!!!
FEEEWWWWAAAAMP
NIGHTBIRD!!!
FEEEWWWWAAAAMP
DATA! Thank goodness I found you. Listen: there’s a situation. A pants situation. Specifically mine. I can’t find them. I need you to go look for them while I start my shift the way I always do: Leaning in a wide-legged stance onto the nearest console while I read the morning briefing. Ha! Briefing!
September 15, 2025 at 7:46 PM
DATA! Thank goodness I found you. Listen: there’s a situation. A pants situation. Specifically mine. I can’t find them. I need you to go look for them while I start my shift the way I always do: Leaning in a wide-legged stance onto the nearest console while I read the morning briefing. Ha! Briefing!
Sorry I’m late Data, I got stuck in a timeloop in the 1980’s. Was I on my continued quest to solve the mystery of a mythical Fifth Loko? Yes. Did I join a swingers club? Of course. Did I become an adult film star? I went deep cover, Data. I’m a pro. Anyway, why’s the ship on fire?
September 12, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Sorry I’m late Data, I got stuck in a timeloop in the 1980’s. Was I on my continued quest to solve the mystery of a mythical Fifth Loko? Yes. Did I join a swingers club? Of course. Did I become an adult film star? I went deep cover, Data. I’m a pro. Anyway, why’s the ship on fire?
Turns out it WAS chocolate syrup!! But enough about this morning’s briefing, Data, we’ve got larger concerns. Specifically, butt bleaching. That’s right Data. I’m going there. Why? Because at the right angle, the glare from my alabaster aqualung will shine right at the Ambassador’s yacht!
September 2, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Turns out it WAS chocolate syrup!! But enough about this morning’s briefing, Data, we’ve got larger concerns. Specifically, butt bleaching. That’s right Data. I’m going there. Why? Because at the right angle, the glare from my alabaster aqualung will shine right at the Ambassador’s yacht!
DATA! Listen, it’s dark. Well it’s always dark in space but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s night. Which means the Ambassador is asleep on his yacht. Minimal security, Data. No, not on the yacht, on this torpedo tube I’ve just overridden. Yes that IS why I’m covered in WD40, now LAUNCH
August 13, 2025 at 9:01 AM
DATA! Listen, it’s dark. Well it’s always dark in space but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s night. Which means the Ambassador is asleep on his yacht. Minimal security, Data. No, not on the yacht, on this torpedo tube I’ve just overridden. Yes that IS why I’m covered in WD40, now LAUNCH
Ok people so I may or may not have accidentally knocked over a case of my Klingon Four Loko during what can only be described as an INTENSE badger surveillance operation.
Point is, it’s burning through the hull and I need solutions people!! How can we salvage it? Get it up on the big screen!!!
Point is, it’s burning through the hull and I need solutions people!! How can we salvage it? Get it up on the big screen!!!
July 25, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Ok people so I may or may not have accidentally knocked over a case of my Klingon Four Loko during what can only be described as an INTENSE badger surveillance operation.
Point is, it’s burning through the hull and I need solutions people!! How can we salvage it? Get it up on the big screen!!!
Point is, it’s burning through the hull and I need solutions people!! How can we salvage it? Get it up on the big screen!!!
Sorry for my absence Data, I was trapped under a pile of Four Loko and Ax Body Spray cans; a cage of my own making, if you will. Anywho, I’m here now, freshly trimmed and coated in olive oil. Why? Great question Data. You’re going to load me into a torpedo tube and fire me at the Ambassador’s yacht!
July 21, 2025 at 9:57 AM
Sorry for my absence Data, I was trapped under a pile of Four Loko and Ax Body Spray cans; a cage of my own making, if you will. Anywho, I’m here now, freshly trimmed and coated in olive oil. Why? Great question Data. You’re going to load me into a torpedo tube and fire me at the Ambassador’s yacht!
Listen Data, the key to rapidly chugging a crate of Four Loko and Mountain Dew before my morning workout is what I like to call TC, or Throat Control. That’s right Data, not a metaphor this time. Write it down. In your….neurons? Whatever, observe: HHHUUURRRRRRAAAAHHHHLLGGGGGGGHHPPPHHH
June 5, 2025 at 11:48 AM
Listen Data, the key to rapidly chugging a crate of Four Loko and Mountain Dew before my morning workout is what I like to call TC, or Throat Control. That’s right Data, not a metaphor this time. Write it down. In your….neurons? Whatever, observe: HHHUUURRRRRRAAAAHHHHLLGGGGGGGHHPPPHHH
My plan? It’s simple, Data. Despite my best efforts, the Ambassador has, once again, restored their yacht. So this time, the gloves are off. Or on, I should say. Hence my outfit, Data. I am going to infiltrate that yacht, sail it out to sea and BLOW IT THE HELL UP. No, you don’t have to thank me.
May 14, 2025 at 1:52 PM
My plan? It’s simple, Data. Despite my best efforts, the Ambassador has, once again, restored their yacht. So this time, the gloves are off. Or on, I should say. Hence my outfit, Data. I am going to infiltrate that yacht, sail it out to sea and BLOW IT THE HELL UP. No, you don’t have to thank me.
WOAH ok hey hi hello Data yes I’m here, I just woke up from what can only be described as an INTENSE amount of scientific research with Four Loko and Ax Body Spray in an attempt to create a 5th, and possibly 6th, Loko. I don’t know if it worked yet, the first thing I’ve gotta do is trim my pubes and
April 16, 2025 at 9:09 AM
WOAH ok hey hi hello Data yes I’m here, I just woke up from what can only be described as an INTENSE amount of scientific research with Four Loko and Ax Body Spray in an attempt to create a 5th, and possibly 6th, Loko. I don’t know if it worked yet, the first thing I’ve gotta do is trim my pubes and
LISTEN UP DATA we need to DATA PAY ATTENTION ok so the Ambassador is going to be on Risa on his prized possession; his new yacht, codename: Yachtsen. EXACTLY DATA that kind of naming irresponsibility needs to be NIPPED. Which is why I’m strapping myself to the depth charge. YES OF COURSE ILL BE NUDE
March 11, 2025 at 10:04 PM
LISTEN UP DATA we need to DATA PAY ATTENTION ok so the Ambassador is going to be on Risa on his prized possession; his new yacht, codename: Yachtsen. EXACTLY DATA that kind of naming irresponsibility needs to be NIPPED. Which is why I’m strapping myself to the depth charge. YES OF COURSE ILL BE NUDE
LISTEN UP PEOPLE wow that worked ok SO I know what you’re thinking: why is my chest hair matted with honey. That’s not important right now. Unrelated. What IS our TOP priority is Yacht Intel. That’s right, I’m auditioning for a task force. So step up and pitch me on why YOU should be on Yacht Squad!
February 26, 2025 at 8:03 PM
LISTEN UP PEOPLE wow that worked ok SO I know what you’re thinking: why is my chest hair matted with honey. That’s not important right now. Unrelated. What IS our TOP priority is Yacht Intel. That’s right, I’m auditioning for a task force. So step up and pitch me on why YOU should be on Yacht Squad!
Reposted by Rockin’ Riker
Washington Post got their hands on internal documents from DOGE showing the entire plan to implement resegregation. They're going to purge minorities from government by calling them DEI.
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/int...
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/int...
See inside DOGE’s playbook for eliminating DEI
Documents detail step-by-step plans by the U.S. DOGE Service to purge federal agencies of diversity, equity, and inclusion workers and offices. Here’s what comes next.
www.washingtonpost.com
February 15, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Washington Post got their hands on internal documents from DOGE showing the entire plan to implement resegregation. They're going to purge minorities from government by calling them DEI.
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/int...
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/int...
Listen. Listen. Are you listening?? Ok good. Now get closer. Closer. Read my lips:
THE AMBASSADOR HAS A YACHT NAMED DOGE AND THIS WILL NOT STAND TARGET EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY
THE AMBASSADOR HAS A YACHT NAMED DOGE AND THIS WILL NOT STAND TARGET EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY
February 16, 2025 at 12:14 PM
Listen. Listen. Are you listening?? Ok good. Now get closer. Closer. Read my lips:
THE AMBASSADOR HAS A YACHT NAMED DOGE AND THIS WILL NOT STAND TARGET EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY
THE AMBASSADOR HAS A YACHT NAMED DOGE AND THIS WILL NOT STAND TARGET EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY
ATTENTION ALL CREW: I am giving out free hugs today. I know, I know, I know what you’re wondering; “will I be wearing my robe” and the answer to THAT riddle is YES
February 8, 2025 at 5:43 PM
ATTENTION ALL CREW: I am giving out free hugs today. I know, I know, I know what you’re wondering; “will I be wearing my robe” and the answer to THAT riddle is YES
THE AMBASSADOR HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME AND I WILL BE PROTESTING BY PLAYING NIGHTBIRD UNTIL HIS YACHT EXPLODES
February 6, 2025 at 1:20 AM
THE AMBASSADOR HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME AND I WILL BE PROTESTING BY PLAYING NIGHTBIRD UNTIL HIS YACHT EXPLODES
LISTEN UP PEOPLE the Ambassador just hooked up a thumb drive to the main computer and is uploading his yacht photo collection as we speak! HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS
February 3, 2025 at 9:25 PM
LISTEN UP PEOPLE the Ambassador just hooked up a thumb drive to the main computer and is uploading his yacht photo collection as we speak! HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS
ATTENTION ALL CREW the Ambassador is parking his new yacht in MY parking space on Risa YES I have a parking space I’m a frequent loyalty customer but MY space is for a simple SAILBOAT not an environmental MONSTROSITY
January 16, 2025 at 3:31 PM
ATTENTION ALL CREW the Ambassador is parking his new yacht in MY parking space on Risa YES I have a parking space I’m a frequent loyalty customer but MY space is for a simple SAILBOAT not an environmental MONSTROSITY
DATA omg I’ve been asleep for days. It was a gubernatorial hypersleep. You get it. But no time for that now, we need to prepare for the Ambassador’s visit tonight!! I’m thinking a FULL SPREAD of four loko, a cheese fountain, oranges, pickled pickles, marmite and me on trombone for entertainment.
January 12, 2025 at 8:39 AM
DATA omg I’ve been asleep for days. It was a gubernatorial hypersleep. You get it. But no time for that now, we need to prepare for the Ambassador’s visit tonight!! I’m thinking a FULL SPREAD of four loko, a cheese fountain, oranges, pickled pickles, marmite and me on trombone for entertainment.