Stoned cold fox
@roastmalone.bsky.social
no milk will ever be our milk
roastmalone_ on twitter
roastmalone_ on twitter
going to the forest and all the deer know me because game recognize game
January 21, 2026 at 4:41 PM
going to the forest and all the deer know me because game recognize game
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
there are plenty of reasons Air Force One would suddenly turn around. for example, they may have forgotten Kevin
January 21, 2026 at 5:37 AM
there are plenty of reasons Air Force One would suddenly turn around. for example, they may have forgotten Kevin
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
I'm sick of it not happening
January 21, 2026 at 5:12 AM
I'm sick of it not happening
when it does happen I’m afraid they’ll just spray tan an octogenarian and hope we don’t notice like he’s an elementary school class hamster
January 21, 2026 at 5:23 AM
when it does happen I’m afraid they’ll just spray tan an octogenarian and hope we don’t notice like he’s an elementary school class hamster
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
live your life such that millions of people don’t drop everything they’re doing to collectively hope that It Happened at the slimmest of signs
January 21, 2026 at 4:17 AM
live your life such that millions of people don’t drop everything they’re doing to collectively hope that It Happened at the slimmest of signs
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
But also this reminder about guilty pleasures
January 21, 2026 at 2:13 AM
But also this reminder about guilty pleasures
“haven’t you posted that before?” god forbid an artist play their greatest hits
January 21, 2026 at 2:04 AM
“haven’t you posted that before?” god forbid an artist play their greatest hits
every pleasure is a guilty pleasure when you have anxiety
January 21, 2026 at 1:58 AM
every pleasure is a guilty pleasure when you have anxiety
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
Skipping ahead to the picture section of a non-fiction book to give myself a little treat
January 21, 2026 at 12:23 AM
Skipping ahead to the picture section of a non-fiction book to give myself a little treat
there is no drug on earth that can replicate the high of getting a jeopardy question right that all of the contestants fumbled
January 21, 2026 at 12:06 AM
there is no drug on earth that can replicate the high of getting a jeopardy question right that all of the contestants fumbled
it’s called dry January because hearing people talking about it is so boring
January 21, 2026 at 12:02 AM
it’s called dry January because hearing people talking about it is so boring
if you give a mouse all cookies, he’ll sell your data for a glass of milk
January 20, 2026 at 2:59 AM
if you give a mouse all cookies, he’ll sell your data for a glass of milk
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
if i get a million likes and not one of them is my wife then ive gotten zero likes
January 20, 2026 at 2:29 AM
if i get a million likes and not one of them is my wife then ive gotten zero likes
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
each bean represents an out
first we came for football with Taylor swift, then we came for hockey with heated rivalry, next we’ll come for baseball with the 7th inning espresso martini break
January 19, 2026 at 5:29 PM
each bean represents an out
first we came for football with Taylor swift, then we came for hockey with heated rivalry, next we’ll come for baseball with the 7th inning espresso martini break
January 19, 2026 at 4:59 PM
first we came for football with Taylor swift, then we came for hockey with heated rivalry, next we’ll come for baseball with the 7th inning espresso martini break
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
oh it's going to be a Recession recession
January 18, 2026 at 10:56 PM
oh it's going to be a Recession recession
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
January 19, 2026 at 4:32 AM
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
I was just at a comedy show and the guy next to me says "wow, he's really funny" and his buddy goes "yeah, but that's only because it's his job." I'm going to be thinking about this comment a lot
January 18, 2026 at 10:21 PM
I was just at a comedy show and the guy next to me says "wow, he's really funny" and his buddy goes "yeah, but that's only because it's his job." I'm going to be thinking about this comment a lot
In case you were wondering which wine pairs best with existential dread it’s lots
January 19, 2026 at 1:38 AM
In case you were wondering which wine pairs best with existential dread it’s lots
I see your girl dinner and raise you racoon dinner (blindly pawing through my snack cupboard and scurrying away with whatever treat I can get my hands on before anyone sees me)
January 19, 2026 at 12:54 AM
I see your girl dinner and raise you racoon dinner (blindly pawing through my snack cupboard and scurrying away with whatever treat I can get my hands on before anyone sees me)
if you’re ever worried you’re past your prime and haven’t achieved anything just remember bananas are best as bread and grapes are best as wine. the universe is probably just waiting to do something delicious with your corpse
January 18, 2026 at 6:04 PM
if you’re ever worried you’re past your prime and haven’t achieved anything just remember bananas are best as bread and grapes are best as wine. the universe is probably just waiting to do something delicious with your corpse
*trying to get my boomer mom to open up about her feelings*
so, on a scale of live, laugh, love how are we feeling today?
so, on a scale of live, laugh, love how are we feeling today?
January 18, 2026 at 5:57 PM
*trying to get my boomer mom to open up about her feelings*
so, on a scale of live, laugh, love how are we feeling today?
so, on a scale of live, laugh, love how are we feeling today?
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
Being the sweetest angel in the world isn’t easy but I’m doing it
January 18, 2026 at 4:40 PM
Being the sweetest angel in the world isn’t easy but I’m doing it
I recommended a book I really loved to a friend and I think the only way I could possibly feel more vulnerable is if I send her full hole and said “thoughts?”
January 18, 2026 at 4:34 PM
I recommended a book I really loved to a friend and I think the only way I could possibly feel more vulnerable is if I send her full hole and said “thoughts?”
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
I saw a very brave lost book at the museum today.
January 18, 2026 at 2:35 AM
I saw a very brave lost book at the museum today.