Nick Ryan
@nicholasroryan.bsky.social
Baller status achieved: I just correctly identified a 1983 William Hurt movie I’ve never seen and neither has anyone else.
November 13, 2025 at 6:11 AM
Baller status achieved: I just correctly identified a 1983 William Hurt movie I’ve never seen and neither has anyone else.
Autocorrect was just like “actually this is how you spell Metallica” like fuck you, nerd. I’m glad I got it wrong the first time.
October 29, 2025 at 4:33 AM
Autocorrect was just like “actually this is how you spell Metallica” like fuck you, nerd. I’m glad I got it wrong the first time.
After years of research, I learned that the supposed “chef’s kiss emoji” was actually the chef’s prostate exam. It saddens me to say there are polyps in the chef’s ass (nature’s meatballs in guts form) and the doctor who administered this procedure is the man who kissed my wife. Punch Dr. emoji.
September 30, 2025 at 9:40 PM
After years of research, I learned that the supposed “chef’s kiss emoji” was actually the chef’s prostate exam. It saddens me to say there are polyps in the chef’s ass (nature’s meatballs in guts form) and the doctor who administered this procedure is the man who kissed my wife. Punch Dr. emoji.
Criterion, me and my friends that are standing behind me with bows and arrows would like you to remove the Cassavetes box set from the Criterion Closet. All of those movies are masterpieces, don’t get me wrong. I just need Josh Brolin to be more focused on the films I’ve never seen, like Traffic.
September 23, 2025 at 9:24 AM
Criterion, me and my friends that are standing behind me with bows and arrows would like you to remove the Cassavetes box set from the Criterion Closet. All of those movies are masterpieces, don’t get me wrong. I just need Josh Brolin to be more focused on the films I’ve never seen, like Traffic.
“The only bitcoin I understand is when I bite a coin to make sure it’s real and not made of wood. Now I just don’t know.” -guy who was frozen 150 years ago lamenting something that was more relevant 10 years ago and he misses his loved ones who died while he was frozen
August 11, 2025 at 6:52 PM
“The only bitcoin I understand is when I bite a coin to make sure it’s real and not made of wood. Now I just don’t know.” -guy who was frozen 150 years ago lamenting something that was more relevant 10 years ago and he misses his loved ones who died while he was frozen
Man, I would last so long in Squid Game.
June 29, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Man, I would last so long in Squid Game.
If you have a Donald Trump impression, you have a William Friedkin impression.
June 19, 2025 at 1:47 AM
If you have a Donald Trump impression, you have a William Friedkin impression.
I would slice open a dude and climb inside to keep warm and maybe nosh on some occasional hanging guys to have had any part in King Of The World, Steely Dan.
June 4, 2025 at 10:20 AM
I would slice open a dude and climb inside to keep warm and maybe nosh on some occasional hanging guys to have had any part in King Of The World, Steely Dan.
I was hoping Andor would have shown the excruciating process of how C-3PO got turned into a robot.
May 16, 2025 at 11:45 AM
I was hoping Andor would have shown the excruciating process of how C-3PO got turned into a robot.
What’s up hive mind what animals have you hit with your car?
May 5, 2025 at 12:21 AM
What’s up hive mind what animals have you hit with your car?
Will I live long enough to be able to use a “Sweet tonnato!” emoji or do I have to design it myself?
February 21, 2025 at 3:39 AM
Will I live long enough to be able to use a “Sweet tonnato!” emoji or do I have to design it myself?
Even though he’s as British as the king of England, The Cleaners From Venus guy belongs on our three dollar bills.
February 16, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Even though he’s as British as the king of England, The Cleaners From Venus guy belongs on our three dollar bills.
“It’s too late at night to text my mom about how much Moonstruck fucking rules while I’m 18 minutes in, but maybe these naked robots with blood on their chips and lies on their lips will speak to me.” -fuckin guy broke in’ere
February 12, 2025 at 10:06 AM
“It’s too late at night to text my mom about how much Moonstruck fucking rules while I’m 18 minutes in, but maybe these naked robots with blood on their chips and lies on their lips will speak to me.” -fuckin guy broke in’ere
It’s too bad that Catherine O’Hara and Willem DaFoe can’t afford beer.
February 10, 2025 at 12:14 AM
It’s too bad that Catherine O’Hara and Willem DaFoe can’t afford beer.
Saddened to learn that Trump has changed the name of my hometown of Little Canada, Minnesota to America Canada, Minnecanamericexico.
February 6, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Saddened to learn that Trump has changed the name of my hometown of Little Canada, Minnesota to America Canada, Minnecanamericexico.
Free flattened cigarettes on the corner of Woody and Ryman.
January 31, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Free flattened cigarettes on the corner of Woody and Ryman.
“I’m not into killing people, but I’m into insanity.” -a guy watching Free Guy on tv at the where I am
January 22, 2025 at 9:33 PM
“I’m not into killing people, but I’m into insanity.” -a guy watching Free Guy on tv at the where I am
The human brain is cruel. There are people I genuinely like whose names I can’t remember, but the line “I hope I get my raisins from Fresno” from the Wells Fargo song in The Music Man is always ready to go when you’re looking for it.
January 11, 2025 at 7:12 PM
The human brain is cruel. There are people I genuinely like whose names I can’t remember, but the line “I hope I get my raisins from Fresno” from the Wells Fargo song in The Music Man is always ready to go when you’re looking for it.
NosferaTWO tickets to Mufasa: The Lion King, please.
December 27, 2024 at 6:37 PM
NosferaTWO tickets to Mufasa: The Lion King, please.
You ever think about how Clint Eastwood and Klaus Kinski got along?
December 22, 2024 at 11:23 PM
You ever think about how Clint Eastwood and Klaus Kinski got along?
As we approach 2025, I think it’s important for everyone to know that I can do an impression of Bill Hader and George RR Martin and it’s the same voice and I love them both.
December 22, 2024 at 11:12 AM
As we approach 2025, I think it’s important for everyone to know that I can do an impression of Bill Hader and George RR Martin and it’s the same voice and I love them both.
Seconds away from falling asleep, “Oh, why I liked The Bikeriders is it’s an as dumb version of Quadrophenia for us guys of today, though it’s a tale of yesteryear.” and I will not sleep this week.
December 1, 2024 at 12:26 PM
Seconds away from falling asleep, “Oh, why I liked The Bikeriders is it’s an as dumb version of Quadrophenia for us guys of today, though it’s a tale of yesteryear.” and I will not sleep this week.
When you see a pube on the top of a urinal, you have to tip your hat to the Indiana Jones of hair.
November 27, 2024 at 10:02 PM
When you see a pube on the top of a urinal, you have to tip your hat to the Indiana Jones of hair.
I’m about an hour into Deadpool And Wolverine after two tries, and you should be impressed I’m this far because “breaking the fourth wall” makes me want to go back in time and kill Shakespeare.
November 24, 2024 at 10:01 PM
I’m about an hour into Deadpool And Wolverine after two tries, and you should be impressed I’m this far because “breaking the fourth wall” makes me want to go back in time and kill Shakespeare.
I got nothing yet
November 17, 2024 at 9:56 AM
I got nothing yet