Luke Holland
@lukeholland.bsky.social
Writer, Guardian lifer, party starter, staggering Mario Karter, favourite Backstreet Boy Nick Carter
Reviewed a game that I really wanted to like but just ended up getting royally on my norks
Cronos: The New Dawn review – survival horror is dead on arrival
An intriguing setup sees an unnamed protagonist time-travel to discover the origins of a devastating outbreak, but a stingy inventory and one-sided battles lead to frustration
www.theguardian.com
September 10, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Reviewed a game that I really wanted to like but just ended up getting royally on my norks
Reposted by Luke Holland
Remembering this great tweet on the Summer Solstice
June 21, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Remembering this great tweet on the Summer Solstice
Reposted by Luke Holland
I’ve written something about Noel Edmonds
‘I am Jesus!’: the TV brilliance of Noel Edmonds
As the presenter makes a comeback with a wild attempt to run a New Zealand pub, we look back on his greatest moments – from gunge-based hysteria to being Brexit’s patient zero
www.theguardian.com
June 20, 2025 at 7:43 PM
I’ve written something about Noel Edmonds
Struggled, and barely succeeded, to have a piss next to Liam Gallagher, who was pissing while getting off with his missus
Right folks. Feeling rather down at the moment so bringing back an oldie
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
Please Quote this with your most minor celebrity interaction
June 13, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Struggled, and barely succeeded, to have a piss next to Liam Gallagher, who was pissing while getting off with his missus
Reposted by Luke Holland
We now cross over to BBC Radio Derby.
June 13, 2025 at 12:30 PM
We now cross over to BBC Radio Derby.
Why are Labour so good at the really big stuff, yet so unutterably shit at everything else
May 20, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Why are Labour so good at the really big stuff, yet so unutterably shit at everything else
Wrote about how to make the big TV franchises less shit. Trigger warning: shit puns
May the force be with you! How to save every tired TV superfranchise, from Star Wars to Game of Thrones
Does anyone know what Marvel multiverse we’re in? And will anything ever happen in Westeros again? The world’s biggest fantasy franchises are in trouble … but we have ways to make them must-see TV onc...
www.theguardian.com
April 25, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Wrote about how to make the big TV franchises less shit. Trigger warning: shit puns
When leaving the house and anyone asks 'car keys?', I am compelled to say 'no, they're jeans,' even if they are in fact khakis
What's the worst joke you're committed to? Mine is to say 'thank god you're charging more for that. Every year, thousands die drilling those little holes' whenever website tries to upsell me more memory on some form of device. A joke that a) isn't funny b) no-one but me can hear.
April 8, 2025 at 3:47 PM
When leaving the house and anyone asks 'car keys?', I am compelled to say 'no, they're jeans,' even if they are in fact khakis
Reposted by Luke Holland
3 minute video unlocked! Yessss. And with that Bluesky you can now see my masterpiece:
The first level of Super Mario but all the sound effects are farts.
The first level of Super Mario but all the sound effects are farts.
March 11, 2025 at 12:58 PM
3 minute video unlocked! Yessss. And with that Bluesky you can now see my masterpiece:
The first level of Super Mario but all the sound effects are farts.
The first level of Super Mario but all the sound effects are farts.
We also reckon he's a dick
Majority of western Europeans think Trump is threat to peace, survey finds
Majority of western Europeans think Trump is threat to peace, survey finds
Most respondents in Germany, France, Spain, Italy and UK also say Kyiv’s exclusion from peace talks is unacceptable
* Europe live – latest updates
Large majorities in five western European countries think Donald Trump is a threat to peace and…
www.theguardian.com
March 6, 2025 at 1:47 PM
We also reckon he's a dick
JIGGLYSOME DONG
I wonder what the JD in JD Vance stands for? Jury Duty? Juvenile Diabetes? Or perhaps, Just Dance? x
March 4, 2025 at 3:00 PM
JIGGLYSOME DONG
Reposted by Luke Holland
'I didn't mean the UK or France'
March 4, 2025 at 1:10 PM
'I didn't mean the UK or France'
To the prick who drove into the back of me and sped off, I hope your cock falls off and a rat bites it and is sick because it smells and the rat tells everyone your cock is very small
March 2, 2025 at 11:04 AM
To the prick who drove into the back of me and sped off, I hope your cock falls off and a rat bites it and is sick because it smells and the rat tells everyone your cock is very small
Gnawer Ephron and Eugene Levee
Petition to name the first two Simone de Beaver and Dam Ackroyd
Beaver releases into wild to be allowed in England for first time in centuries
February 28, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Gnawer Ephron and Eugene Levee
'YOU CAN'T GIVE A BABY BOOZE'
"Has anbaddy gat anny bakkle arrandoov"
February 28, 2025 at 8:39 AM
'YOU CAN'T GIVE A BABY BOOZE'
Reposted by Luke Holland
Just seen Farage and Truss (grifting over in the US) described as "the Slug and Lettuce".
February 24, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Just seen Farage and Truss (grifting over in the US) described as "the Slug and Lettuce".
Don't know about the rest of you #ladz, but I too am sick of the constant, deafening, definitely real woke roar of people saying I'm a bad person for having a beer with pals
JD Vance: "Our culture sends a message to young men that you should suppress every masculine urge ... my message to young men is don't allow this broken culture to send you a message that you're a bad person bc you're a man, bc you like to tell a joke, bc you like to have a beer with your friends."
February 20, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Don't know about the rest of you #ladz, but I too am sick of the constant, deafening, definitely real woke roar of people saying I'm a bad person for having a beer with pals
Look forward to watching the next Bond movie, and then receiving email suggestions that I watch the Bond movie I just watched again and again until I'm dead
February 20, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Look forward to watching the next Bond movie, and then receiving email suggestions that I watch the Bond movie I just watched again and again until I'm dead
become ungovernable
February 5, 2025 at 3:08 PM
become ungovernable
Opening a pub in Soho that a) doesn't charge £8 a pint and b) doesn't kick you out at 10.45pm sharp would be a start
London’s nightlife industries are vital to the success of our capital, but they’ve faced huge challenges in recent years. I’m bringing together a new independent taskforce of experts to get nightlife thriving again in the capital.
London nightlife: Industry experts to help mayor boost business
A taskforce has been set up to help London's nighttime industry thrive, as footfall drops.
www.bbc.co.uk
February 4, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Opening a pub in Soho that a) doesn't charge £8 a pint and b) doesn't kick you out at 10.45pm sharp would be a start
– Cringing about things you once did/said is normal. It means between then and now, you've grown as a person and are no longer the pillock who did/said the thing
– If neither of you has been a bastard, try to stay friends with your exes. It's hard, but it's worth it
– learn to cook
– If neither of you has been a bastard, try to stay friends with your exes. It's hard, but it's worth it
– learn to cook
people over 30 quote this with some life advice for the rest of us?
January 30, 2025 at 2:46 PM
– Cringing about things you once did/said is normal. It means between then and now, you've grown as a person and are no longer the pillock who did/said the thing
– If neither of you has been a bastard, try to stay friends with your exes. It's hard, but it's worth it
– learn to cook
– If neither of you has been a bastard, try to stay friends with your exes. It's hard, but it's worth it
– learn to cook