Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
Screenwriter/co-creator/showrunner for the upcoming TLC series What the F*** is this S***? and Lifetime Network's Pet Waste Makeover. 🇺🇦
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
that’s nice, seafood is expensive
November 28, 2025 at 4:16 PM
that’s nice, seafood is expensive
At my age, being spoiled means having my family leave me to drink alone in the basement.
November 29, 2025 at 2:02 AM
At my age, being spoiled means having my family leave me to drink alone in the basement.
In our world, a carjacking is terrifying, but in the Pixar-verse, it's a natural release.
November 28, 2025 at 2:27 PM
In our world, a carjacking is terrifying, but in the Pixar-verse, it's a natural release.
The Man from R.A.C.I.S.T. U.N.C.L.E.
November 27, 2025 at 11:05 PM
The Man from R.A.C.I.S.T. U.N.C.L.E.
I’ve stopped wasting money on diet plans. From now on, I’m just feeding everyone else pastries until I’m the thin one.
November 27, 2025 at 12:47 PM
I’ve stopped wasting money on diet plans. From now on, I’m just feeding everyone else pastries until I’m the thin one.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
DATE: Aren’t you the guy who tells ridiculous lies to try and impress people
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
November 26, 2025 at 6:54 PM
DATE: Aren’t you the guy who tells ridiculous lies to try and impress people
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
ME: No, I’m the guy who once roundhouse kicked a tree to death
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
November 26, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Carpenters are only in it for them shelves.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
happy thanksgiving!
SCTV - THE CRUISN’ GOURMET - “You’re out of order!”
YouTube video by TVOR - The Voice of Reason
www.youtube.com
November 26, 2025 at 9:55 PM
happy thanksgiving!
If Jesus returned today, He'd be totally blown away by the sensation of eating corn nuts.
November 26, 2025 at 2:13 PM
If Jesus returned today, He'd be totally blown away by the sensation of eating corn nuts.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
OK. Let’s workshop this name
November 25, 2025 at 11:14 PM
OK. Let’s workshop this name
Somewhere in Gotham Zoo, Bruce Wayne is looking at the monkeys, the zebras, the crocodiles...just reevaluating every branding choice.
November 26, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Somewhere in Gotham Zoo, Bruce Wayne is looking at the monkeys, the zebras, the crocodiles...just reevaluating every branding choice.
My kinky fantasy is getting force-fed by Luke Skywalker.
November 25, 2025 at 12:55 PM
My kinky fantasy is getting force-fed by Luke Skywalker.
I serve as spokesperson for the bicycle wheel eating community.
November 25, 2025 at 11:01 AM
I serve as spokesperson for the bicycle wheel eating community.
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Having given this some serious thought, I feel confident about announcing that the most embarrassing word in the English language is Nutmeats.
November 10, 2025 at 7:26 PM
Having given this some serious thought, I feel confident about announcing that the most embarrassing word in the English language is Nutmeats.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Since we live in a culture that worships merch, I've always wondered why there are no specific lawn decorations for Thanksgiving. Very occasionally a blow up turkey. Nothing else. Until now when I present my new idea for making millions:
November 24, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Since we live in a culture that worships merch, I've always wondered why there are no specific lawn decorations for Thanksgiving. Very occasionally a blow up turkey. Nothing else. Until now when I present my new idea for making millions:
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
"we're making tacos"
You're preparing the tacos. God MADE the tacos.
You're preparing the tacos. God MADE the tacos.
November 23, 2025 at 7:50 PM
"we're making tacos"
You're preparing the tacos. God MADE the tacos.
You're preparing the tacos. God MADE the tacos.
Oh, so that's why it's not working; I thought it was intermittent FROSTING.
November 23, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Oh, so that's why it's not working; I thought it was intermittent FROSTING.
Sure, it’s less sexist, but a pile of sopping wet T-shirts on the floor doesn’t really bring the crowd to its feet.
November 23, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Sure, it’s less sexist, but a pile of sopping wet T-shirts on the floor doesn’t really bring the crowd to its feet.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Never be afraid to avoid new things.
November 22, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Never be afraid to avoid new things.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
if you focus on certain parts of my body long enough you can actually hear the commercial of the drug that's keeping that area alive
November 22, 2025 at 9:31 PM
if you focus on certain parts of my body long enough you can actually hear the commercial of the drug that's keeping that area alive
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Grant me the serenity to change the things that are minor inconveniences.
November 22, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Grant me the serenity to change the things that are minor inconveniences.
Today is the anniversary of the JFK shooting, and I forgot to order a cake.
November 22, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Today is the anniversary of the JFK shooting, and I forgot to order a cake.
I’m so ugly, during CPR training, the dummy opted for a do-not-resuscitate order. (HBD Rodney)
a man is surrounded by math equations including a + b = c and s = 2a
ALT: a man is surrounded by math equations including a + b = c and s = 2a
media.tenor.com
November 22, 2025 at 8:49 AM
I’m so ugly, during CPR training, the dummy opted for a do-not-resuscitate order. (HBD Rodney)
The Epstein docs revealed Larry Summers has first-hand experience with diminishing returns.
November 21, 2025 at 12:47 PM
The Epstein docs revealed Larry Summers has first-hand experience with diminishing returns.