Deena Lang
@itsdeenalang.bsky.social
Momming, mental health, aging's absurdities and such. Humor for the imperfect, overwhelmed & sorta unhinged
📧heyitsdeenalang@gmail.com
📧heyitsdeenalang@gmail.com
And I cannot stress this enough, you have to find a way to care less
February 18, 2025 at 5:19 PM
And I cannot stress this enough, you have to find a way to care less
It's the first day of my period and upon learning this my husband immediately handed me his carton of ice cream and walked away.
... there's a lid for every pot, you guys. Don't settle.
... there's a lid for every pot, you guys. Don't settle.
February 11, 2025 at 5:16 PM
It's the first day of my period and upon learning this my husband immediately handed me his carton of ice cream and walked away.
... there's a lid for every pot, you guys. Don't settle.
... there's a lid for every pot, you guys. Don't settle.
Why is Tom Brady dressed like he’s about to serve me unlimited salad and breadsticks?
February 10, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Why is Tom Brady dressed like he’s about to serve me unlimited salad and breadsticks?
Reposted by Deena Lang
*kid is being a monster*
Me: Eat something.
Kid: Why do you always think I need to eat?!
Me: Because I'm always hoping you're just hangry and not actually an asshole.
Me: Eat something.
Kid: Why do you always think I need to eat?!
Me: Because I'm always hoping you're just hangry and not actually an asshole.
January 29, 2025 at 2:12 PM
*kid is being a monster*
Me: Eat something.
Kid: Why do you always think I need to eat?!
Me: Because I'm always hoping you're just hangry and not actually an asshole.
Me: Eat something.
Kid: Why do you always think I need to eat?!
Me: Because I'm always hoping you're just hangry and not actually an asshole.
Reposted by Deena Lang
going to start blow drying my hair while i’m still in the shower to save time
January 29, 2025 at 2:15 PM
going to start blow drying my hair while i’m still in the shower to save time
You guys, I WANNA spend more time here, but the way these handles read sets my brain a-spiraling
January 27, 2025 at 9:54 PM
You guys, I WANNA spend more time here, but the way these handles read sets my brain a-spiraling
One thing about me is I’m gonna take the sleeping meds and then unintentionally do everything in my power to fight them off
January 21, 2025 at 3:03 AM
One thing about me is I’m gonna take the sleeping meds and then unintentionally do everything in my power to fight them off
NOBODY is more aggressive than a brand who’s trying to get you to work for free
January 17, 2025 at 3:22 PM
NOBODY is more aggressive than a brand who’s trying to get you to work for free
Reposted by Deena Lang
teacher: your son said you threatened to beat him?
me: at checkers!
teacher: and forced him to sleep outside?
me: we went camping!
teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn't share your snickers?
me: yeah, that one I did
me: at checkers!
teacher: and forced him to sleep outside?
me: we went camping!
teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn't share your snickers?
me: yeah, that one I did
January 11, 2025 at 8:30 PM
teacher: your son said you threatened to beat him?
me: at checkers!
teacher: and forced him to sleep outside?
me: we went camping!
teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn't share your snickers?
me: yeah, that one I did
me: at checkers!
teacher: and forced him to sleep outside?
me: we went camping!
teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn't share your snickers?
me: yeah, that one I did
Reposted by Deena Lang
Bluesky makes muting the same people a second time fun again
January 11, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Bluesky makes muting the same people a second time fun again
Reposted by Deena Lang
80% of marriage is pointedly yelling an irritated "WHAT?!" to make your spouse understand that there's no chance in hell you can hear what s/ he's saying from five rooms away, around three corners, down two hallways, and over the cacophonous screams of hyper children
January 11, 2025 at 8:32 PM
80% of marriage is pointedly yelling an irritated "WHAT?!" to make your spouse understand that there's no chance in hell you can hear what s/ he's saying from five rooms away, around three corners, down two hallways, and over the cacophonous screams of hyper children
*fence guy comes to give me an estimate*
“So there are a few types you can go with. There’s partial privacy, full pri-“
“FULL PRIVACY”
“Ok, but in terms of natural lighting and your landscap-“
“BUILD ME A FORTRESS. NOBODY IN. NOBODY OUT. FORTRESS”
“So there are a few types you can go with. There’s partial privacy, full pri-“
“FULL PRIVACY”
“Ok, but in terms of natural lighting and your landscap-“
“BUILD ME A FORTRESS. NOBODY IN. NOBODY OUT. FORTRESS”
January 8, 2025 at 5:29 PM
*fence guy comes to give me an estimate*
“So there are a few types you can go with. There’s partial privacy, full pri-“
“FULL PRIVACY”
“Ok, but in terms of natural lighting and your landscap-“
“BUILD ME A FORTRESS. NOBODY IN. NOBODY OUT. FORTRESS”
“So there are a few types you can go with. There’s partial privacy, full pri-“
“FULL PRIVACY”
“Ok, but in terms of natural lighting and your landscap-“
“BUILD ME A FORTRESS. NOBODY IN. NOBODY OUT. FORTRESS”
Reposted by Deena Lang
Is Fergie still spelling stuff?
January 6, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Is Fergie still spelling stuff?
Reposted by Deena Lang
What would I do for a Klondike bar? Well, not get a job and buy one that's for damn sure.
January 8, 2025 at 4:15 PM
What would I do for a Klondike bar? Well, not get a job and buy one that's for damn sure.
It’s always the people who SHOULD adopt a “New Year, new me” attitude who don’t
January 2, 2025 at 11:46 PM
It’s always the people who SHOULD adopt a “New Year, new me” attitude who don’t
Every time I type New Year my phone AutoCorrects to Happy New Tear and, yes, probably
December 31, 2024 at 10:25 PM
Every time I type New Year my phone AutoCorrects to Happy New Tear and, yes, probably
My kid just told me he’s interested in burning more bridges rather than building them in the New Year and I respect that
December 26, 2024 at 9:12 PM
My kid just told me he’s interested in burning more bridges rather than building them in the New Year and I respect that
Just spent 20 minutes wrapping a gift and I’m confident a kindergartener could’ve done it better
December 23, 2024 at 4:45 PM
Just spent 20 minutes wrapping a gift and I’m confident a kindergartener could’ve done it better
My dad sent me a video of himself baking cookies jamming to classic rock and he's typically a pretty serious guy. I really hope this means he finally started smoking weed
December 23, 2024 at 4:22 AM
My dad sent me a video of himself baking cookies jamming to classic rock and he's typically a pretty serious guy. I really hope this means he finally started smoking weed
Reposted by Deena Lang
It’s 1996. You go back into a house fire to get your 72-disc CD booklet.
December 23, 2024 at 12:39 AM
It’s 1996. You go back into a house fire to get your 72-disc CD booklet.
Reposted by Deena Lang
Me: We shouldn't give in to the commercialism of Christmas. In fact, we should celebrate it this year without giving each other gifts.
Husband: You missed the window for something to arrive by Christmas Eve, didn't you?
Husband: You missed the window for something to arrive by Christmas Eve, didn't you?
December 22, 2024 at 9:19 PM
Me: We shouldn't give in to the commercialism of Christmas. In fact, we should celebrate it this year without giving each other gifts.
Husband: You missed the window for something to arrive by Christmas Eve, didn't you?
Husband: You missed the window for something to arrive by Christmas Eve, didn't you?
Never laughed harder than I did earlier upon realizing my husband’s been waiting all day to enjoy a batch of SUGAR FREE cookies he accidentally bought bc the “sugar free” font was too small for him to read
December 22, 2024 at 6:22 AM
Never laughed harder than I did earlier upon realizing my husband’s been waiting all day to enjoy a batch of SUGAR FREE cookies he accidentally bought bc the “sugar free” font was too small for him to read
Reposted by Deena Lang
JOSEPH: got any rooms
INNKEEPER: no
JOSEPH: i want to see your manager
INNKEEPER: okay but i think it’s pronounced “manger”
INNKEEPER: no
JOSEPH: i want to see your manager
INNKEEPER: okay but i think it’s pronounced “manger”
December 4, 2024 at 4:14 AM
JOSEPH: got any rooms
INNKEEPER: no
JOSEPH: i want to see your manager
INNKEEPER: okay but i think it’s pronounced “manger”
INNKEEPER: no
JOSEPH: i want to see your manager
INNKEEPER: okay but i think it’s pronounced “manger”
Reposted by Deena Lang
you know you’re an adult when you have more coffee mugs than friends.
December 21, 2024 at 3:54 PM
you know you’re an adult when you have more coffee mugs than friends.