F. Scott Fitzjesse
@fscottfitzjesse.bsky.social
I’m just here to make even more fun of myself.
Yeah I talk to myself. It’s 2025, who gives a shit?
November 11, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Yeah I talk to myself. It’s 2025, who gives a shit?
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
I followed you, pay attention to me you monster.
November 11, 2025 at 9:11 PM
I followed you, pay attention to me you monster.
Didn’t an oil change used to be like twenty bucks?
November 11, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Didn’t an oil change used to be like twenty bucks?
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Me as a therapist: Sweep the leg!
November 11, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Me as a therapist: Sweep the leg!
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"
November 10, 2025 at 7:32 PM
spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"
If the many privileges life bestowed on me, probably psychologically healthy parents had been at the top of the list.
Although it just gives me another thing to feel superior about which is the last thing I need.
Although it just gives me another thing to feel superior about which is the last thing I need.
October 31, 2025 at 8:04 PM
If the many privileges life bestowed on me, probably psychologically healthy parents had been at the top of the list.
Although it just gives me another thing to feel superior about which is the last thing I need.
Although it just gives me another thing to feel superior about which is the last thing I need.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
At my age, the older I get, the uglier I'm willing to go out in public.
October 24, 2025 at 12:23 PM
At my age, the older I get, the uglier I'm willing to go out in public.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
God has not seen fit to fit me for a new suit yet, or ever frankly
December 11, 2023 at 5:31 PM
God has not seen fit to fit me for a new suit yet, or ever frankly
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
It is now the time of night where we sit on the edge of the bed, burp and eat antacids. NOT AFFILIATED WITH WITH THE SANDWICH ALERT FROM EARLIER.
October 26, 2025 at 6:51 AM
It is now the time of night where we sit on the edge of the bed, burp and eat antacids. NOT AFFILIATED WITH WITH THE SANDWICH ALERT FROM EARLIER.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Always the bridesmaid, never the vengeful assassin in a yellow jumpsuit.
October 25, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Always the bridesmaid, never the vengeful assassin in a yellow jumpsuit.
More than once in this life I’ve found myself wondering how big is the world’s largest googly-eye.
October 25, 2025 at 4:37 AM
More than once in this life I’ve found myself wondering how big is the world’s largest googly-eye.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
It's an effort to halt the flow of time, to hold onto this day we have and not pass into tomorrow. We grind the stream to a standstill and waltz through the annals of a world at rest
October 25, 2025 at 3:38 AM
It's an effort to halt the flow of time, to hold onto this day we have and not pass into tomorrow. We grind the stream to a standstill and waltz through the annals of a world at rest
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
I’m on 100% battery ama.
October 25, 2025 at 4:01 AM
I’m on 100% battery ama.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
a little time spent with some watercolor and redwoods
May 26, 2025 at 11:56 PM
a little time spent with some watercolor and redwoods
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Gender reveal: it's a ghost 👻
October 18, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Gender reveal: it's a ghost 👻
You know what’s crazy is there’s really no place to buy a keychain. They just come on things (lol) and if you have a junk drawer, there may be one or two in there.
October 18, 2025 at 8:01 PM
You know what’s crazy is there’s really no place to buy a keychain. They just come on things (lol) and if you have a junk drawer, there may be one or two in there.
It’s wild that I went crazy for a couple years and when I snapped back into sanity the entire rest of the world went crazy.
October 16, 2025 at 7:16 PM
It’s wild that I went crazy for a couple years and when I snapped back into sanity the entire rest of the world went crazy.
I don’t do AI. For better or for worse, my intelligence is all natural.
October 3, 2025 at 4:56 AM
I don’t do AI. For better or for worse, my intelligence is all natural.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Don't waste your time staring at the person you are in love with. Get your butt up and go tell them you're in love with them before its too late.
October 2, 2025 at 12:12 PM
Don't waste your time staring at the person you are in love with. Get your butt up and go tell them you're in love with them before its too late.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Love the pull tab on soup. Love to pop open a Soup and chug it straight out of the can.
June 7, 2023 at 10:45 AM
Love the pull tab on soup. Love to pop open a Soup and chug it straight out of the can.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Taught my dog to shake and now he makes a killer martini
October 3, 2025 at 4:30 AM
Taught my dog to shake and now he makes a killer martini
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
If life had a laugh track, at least I’d know when I’m supposed to find this funny.
September 17, 2025 at 4:41 PM
If life had a laugh track, at least I’d know when I’m supposed to find this funny.
Reposted by F. Scott Fitzjesse
Ribs are the teeth of the torso
August 24, 2025 at 11:44 PM
Ribs are the teeth of the torso
I don’t want to grow old and get sick. I want to get hit by a train and die instantly while I’m out for a run.
August 24, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I don’t want to grow old and get sick. I want to get hit by a train and die instantly while I’m out for a run.