I don't understand how my wife has made the same meal 3 nights in a row but it gets faster each time.

If my math is right, next thanksgiving she'll have dinner ready 6 days before it's needed.

My Children will be perceived as the most spoiled children in the world.

The only spoiled child will be me.

Announcing: New @steampowered.com Hardware, coming in 2026:

Steam Controller
Steam Machine
Steam Frame. 

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Hey Ninja Transfers

Your logo looks like boobs.

Dude that Farmer's commercial is wild.

If I got fucked over at a ballpark like that and some random boomer started a sales patch at me, I'm fully crashing out.

Future me:

"So you're gonna tell me that a movie set in 2010 doesn't have at least one dude who wears slacks with suspenders and listens to Folk bands? Unrealistic"

If only one scrap of what Jesus taught connected you'd feel different.

Who will take the credit for our swift, impending fall.

It's not my fault

If you haven't tried Dungeon Crawler Carl... You should.

You don't own your children. You're a parent, not an owner. Treat your kids better or enjoy that discount care home someday.