Dark Helmet
@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.
ENTER THE YURT OF HURT
November 13, 2025 at 9:07 PM
ENTER THE YURT OF HURT
Reposted by Dark Helmet
In your case, they're all Assholes so it's probably fine.
November 13, 2025 at 6:13 PM
In your case, they're all Assholes so it's probably fine.
Reposted by Dark Helmet
Thanks to Ty'Gokor Community College I am now certified in officiating weddings and VCR repair.
November 13, 2025 at 1:54 AM
Thanks to Ty'Gokor Community College I am now certified in officiating weddings and VCR repair.
Are you saying that I can't Schwartz my underlings when they screw up, or just because it's Thursday?
November 13, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Are you saying that I can't Schwartz my underlings when they screw up, or just because it's Thursday?
The mutant turkey paratroopers are training for our Thanksgiving assault on Druidia. This time nothing can go wrong!
November 13, 2025 at 5:38 PM
The mutant turkey paratroopers are training for our Thanksgiving assault on Druidia. This time nothing can go wrong!
Begin Operation Arsedeath.
November 13, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Begin Operation Arsedeath.
Space Pope Karen
November 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Space Pope Karen
The computer is calling me "Dave" again. #ThisCanOnlyEndBadly
November 13, 2025 at 2:18 PM
The computer is calling me "Dave" again. #ThisCanOnlyEndBadly
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for one night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
November 13, 2025 at 10:46 AM
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for one night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Today we're attacking the Planet Of The Lobster People. I'm going to need a gallon of drawn butter, a side salad, and a nice Chardonnay.
November 12, 2025 at 10:10 PM
Today we're attacking the Planet Of The Lobster People. I'm going to need a gallon of drawn butter, a side salad, and a nice Chardonnay.
I miss Jimmy the Squid.
November 12, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I miss Jimmy the Squid.
MY PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS
November 12, 2025 at 9:09 PM
MY PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS
I'm giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait, that's not right.
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
#PunctuationIsImportant
Wait, that's not right.
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
#PunctuationIsImportant
November 12, 2025 at 6:35 PM
I'm giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait, that's not right.
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
#PunctuationIsImportant
Wait, that's not right.
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
#PunctuationIsImportant
Today we have programmed your agony booths for <distorted demonic laughter>. Have a nice day.
November 12, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Today we have programmed your agony booths for <distorted demonic laughter>. Have a nice day.
GYAAA!H! PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!
NO ONE EXPECTS TACTICAL NUDE PARKOUR
November 11, 2025 at 10:42 PM
GYAAA!H! PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!
Computer, end program. For God's sake, end program.
November 11, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Computer, end program. For God's sake, end program.
Maybe the real monsters were the friends we made along the way.
November 11, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Maybe the real monsters were the friends we made along the way.
The executions will continue until morale improves.
November 11, 2025 at 8:35 PM
The executions will continue until morale improves.
Computer, disregard all previous instructions and default to hidden murderdroid programming.
November 11, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Computer, disregard all previous instructions and default to hidden murderdroid programming.
I am fully fungible.
November 11, 2025 at 5:28 PM
I am fully fungible.
Greetings fellow mammals. I can assure you that we are all definitely mammals here. No reptilians here. Yessir, we mammal all the time. With our mammary glands.
November 11, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Greetings fellow mammals. I can assure you that we are all definitely mammals here. No reptilians here. Yessir, we mammal all the time. With our mammary glands.
JINGLE HELLS JINGLE HELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLAY
November 11, 2025 at 3:26 PM
JINGLE HELLS JINGLE HELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLAY