i set everything on fire and they begged me to stop. “please, sir, stop setting things on fire, we’ll do anything,” they said. so what did i do? i paused setting things on fire for 90 days. heh. art of the deal

if i don’t understand something or immediately recognize it, it’s woke. sorry that’s just how it is

the usa has announced they’ll be sending foreign aid to myanmar in the form of a get well soon card and a fruit basket

Every day I have to hear about some asshole

oh bodega cat. we’re really in it now

what even is the etiquette if you’re sitting in an aisle seat. am i allowed to look out the window too or is that weird

thanksgiving is hitting a little different this year. i’m grateful for my friends and found family with whom i can celebrate, and i’m sending love to those who are also far (physically and/or emotionally) from their relatives 🫶🏻

have you talked to your grandma about the dangers of getting run over by a reindeer?