1089, if not more. so useless, wasteful, harmful. Rotting stench of greed and madness.

"Have you ever thought about being, like, less visible"

Lost in a suburbia filled with paper hats and paper tigers.

Been throwing up a lot recently. Abdomen still sore. All I can seem to smell is something off, almost like chemicals. Words from shows I'm afraid of. "I want to feel good about myself, the way you do, and I don't know how, I don't know if I can. "

I spend an increasing about of time trying to distract myself, from myself.

I feel lost, that I cant fffind certain old sites, people, or stories. Dead websites and broken links.

I used to dream. The most vivid was about a 'beast,' of metal, marble, bone and flesh. Inspired or made manifest by a 'machine' from a 'gaijin.' References no one will get, just so I can remind myself.

"Scouring the earth. It travels wreaking havoc upon mankind. Powerful, it stirs the mind, the leaves, the seven seas. Unseen, but felt by all. Deadly, the wind, it blows." -Blown, Gregs Words.

I have files, that I carry over from one computer to another. Old stories, bits of writing, webpages, comics, etc. There is this one folder called 'Gregs Words.' I don't remember the specifics. I think it was a reddit post of their family member who passed. It was their writings, short, and poignant

I hate this time of year. Anger, frustration, helplessness. Involuntary suicide, lupus. I remember the first time I met her, friendly and warm.

I feel shipwrecked in this morning light. Unable to fall asleep or stay awake.

It smells like winter.

I used to be social.