Clark Brooks
@clarkbrooks.bsky.social
Writer. Comedian. Whatever.
clarkbrooks.com
clarkbrooks.com
A week from tonight!
March 1, 2025 at 1:31 PM
A week from tonight!
Considering military service is not mandatory, how does barring people who want to serve from doing so make our nation safer?
I’m an Army vet and I’m ashamed of this decision.
I’m an Army vet and I’m ashamed of this decision.
February 15, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Considering military service is not mandatory, how does barring people who want to serve from doing so make our nation safer?
I’m an Army vet and I’m ashamed of this decision.
I’m an Army vet and I’m ashamed of this decision.
I feel the same way about Valentine’s Day as I did about the inauguration: “I guess I have to hear about this sh*t all day.”
February 14, 2025 at 2:19 PM
I feel the same way about Valentine’s Day as I did about the inauguration: “I guess I have to hear about this sh*t all day.”
Did I just happen to casually mention to the attractive woman at the smoothie shop where I’m killing time that I’m a professional comedian and doing a show next door tonight? I don’t know. I might have. Maybe. What? WHAT??
February 13, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Did I just happen to casually mention to the attractive woman at the smoothie shop where I’m killing time that I’m a professional comedian and doing a show next door tonight? I don’t know. I might have. Maybe. What? WHAT??
“Did you wake up this morning and choose violence?”
Not exactly…
Not exactly…
February 13, 2025 at 6:51 PM
“Did you wake up this morning and choose violence?”
Not exactly…
Not exactly…
February 13, 2025 at 12:57 PM
At Cafe Hey this morning
ME: I’d like a Cafe Gulf of Americano, please.
S. Cheong Choi: Do you want that black or…?
ME: No, I want it red, white and blue!
S. Cheong Choi: …
Oh, what a jolly time to be alive!
ME: I’d like a Cafe Gulf of Americano, please.
S. Cheong Choi: Do you want that black or…?
ME: No, I want it red, white and blue!
S. Cheong Choi: …
Oh, what a jolly time to be alive!
February 12, 2025 at 3:41 PM
At Cafe Hey this morning
ME: I’d like a Cafe Gulf of Americano, please.
S. Cheong Choi: Do you want that black or…?
ME: No, I want it red, white and blue!
S. Cheong Choi: …
Oh, what a jolly time to be alive!
ME: I’d like a Cafe Gulf of Americano, please.
S. Cheong Choi: Do you want that black or…?
ME: No, I want it red, white and blue!
S. Cheong Choi: …
Oh, what a jolly time to be alive!
What’s nice is getting positive feedback from a booker BEFORE a gig.
February 12, 2025 at 2:01 PM
What’s nice is getting positive feedback from a booker BEFORE a gig.
Remember when renaming French Fries as “Freedom Fries” was the dumbest thing we thought we’d ever see?
February 11, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Remember when renaming French Fries as “Freedom Fries” was the dumbest thing we thought we’d ever see?
Panera Bread has an automated kiosk for ordering and they send you a text when it’s time to come pick up your food. At no point did I come close to interacting with a human being. Nice of the kiosk to give me the option of leaving a 20% tip though, I guess.
February 11, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Panera Bread has an automated kiosk for ordering and they send you a text when it’s time to come pick up your food. At no point did I come close to interacting with a human being. Nice of the kiosk to give me the option of leaving a 20% tip though, I guess.
Don’t give up hope. There are more of “us” than there are of “them”.
(5/5)
(5/5)
February 10, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Don’t give up hope. There are more of “us” than there are of “them”.
(5/5)
(5/5)
Except it illustrates that us regular, everyday people, who have differences and nothing to gain from seeing each other struggle, are still out here and not hesitating to help each other.
(4/5)
(4/5)
February 10, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Except it illustrates that us regular, everyday people, who have differences and nothing to gain from seeing each other struggle, are still out here and not hesitating to help each other.
(4/5)
(4/5)
Wow. What an enthralling, big, fat nothingburger of a story, right?
Yep.
(3/5)
Yep.
(3/5)
February 10, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Wow. What an enthralling, big, fat nothingburger of a story, right?
Yep.
(3/5)
Yep.
(3/5)
I speak no Spanish and went up to a lady who spoke no English and through pointing and hand gestures, I was able to ask her for a cup of detergent. She gladly gave it to me and politely refused my offer of a dollar, which is what it would have cost me at the vending machine.
(2/5)
(2/5)
February 10, 2025 at 2:34 AM
I speak no Spanish and went up to a lady who spoke no English and through pointing and hand gestures, I was able to ask her for a cup of detergent. She gladly gave it to me and politely refused my offer of a dollar, which is what it would have cost me at the vending machine.
(2/5)
(2/5)
I hope this makes you feel a little better…
I just got home from my local West Tampa laundromat, where I had loaded my clothes into a machine, only to find out the vending machine had no soap. Uh oh.
(1/5)
I just got home from my local West Tampa laundromat, where I had loaded my clothes into a machine, only to find out the vending machine had no soap. Uh oh.
(1/5)
February 10, 2025 at 2:33 AM
I hope this makes you feel a little better…
I just got home from my local West Tampa laundromat, where I had loaded my clothes into a machine, only to find out the vending machine had no soap. Uh oh.
(1/5)
I just got home from my local West Tampa laundromat, where I had loaded my clothes into a machine, only to find out the vending machine had no soap. Uh oh.
(1/5)
If the NFL was rigged, they would have come up with a Super Bowl matchup that wasn’t so unappealing to so many people.
Also, neither New York team would be as bad as they both are.
Also, neither New York team would be as bad as they both are.
February 10, 2025 at 12:50 AM
If the NFL was rigged, they would have come up with a Super Bowl matchup that wasn’t so unappealing to so many people.
Also, neither New York team would be as bad as they both are.
Also, neither New York team would be as bad as they both are.
Tickets on sale now! www.clearwatercomedyclub.com/event-detail...
February 9, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Tickets on sale now! www.clearwatercomedyclub.com/event-detail...
If you’ve never pulled over to stop and write down a joke you just thought of, I’m going to assume you’re not committed to being a comedian.
February 8, 2025 at 6:58 PM
If you’ve never pulled over to stop and write down a joke you just thought of, I’m going to assume you’re not committed to being a comedian.
I’m not sure they have big enough, or enough at all, tables in there for this task…
February 5, 2025 at 11:21 PM
I’m not sure they have big enough, or enough at all, tables in there for this task…
Somewhere along the way, “keep your nose to the grindstone” turned into “F those people”.
February 5, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Somewhere along the way, “keep your nose to the grindstone” turned into “F those people”.
I believe that the reason things are the way they are is because people from my generation (the tail end of the boomers) glorified a perverted sense of ambition and not being satisfied with “enough”. Gluttonous excess and greed weren’t sins to avoid, they were character traits to emulate.
February 5, 2025 at 3:36 PM
I believe that the reason things are the way they are is because people from my generation (the tail end of the boomers) glorified a perverted sense of ambition and not being satisfied with “enough”. Gluttonous excess and greed weren’t sins to avoid, they were character traits to emulate.
Saturday night, a bunch of comedians in Orlando that I’ve never even met are going to criticize my efforts to not die alone. Whhyyy?? (Because: comedy)
www.eventbrite.com/e/swipe-left...
www.eventbrite.com/e/swipe-left...
SWIPE LEFT: Comics Roasting Real Dating Profiles
Watch hot singles in your area getting roasted based on their dating profiles
www.eventbrite.com
February 4, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Saturday night, a bunch of comedians in Orlando that I’ve never even met are going to criticize my efforts to not die alone. Whhyyy?? (Because: comedy)
www.eventbrite.com/e/swipe-left...
www.eventbrite.com/e/swipe-left...
Wednesday’s tragic midair collision should have inspired national mourning. It inspired Trump to blame and criticize Buttigieg Obama, Biden, the mentally ill, amputees and dwarves. This is America’s “leader”.
January 31, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Wednesday’s tragic midair collision should have inspired national mourning. It inspired Trump to blame and criticize Buttigieg Obama, Biden, the mentally ill, amputees and dwarves. This is America’s “leader”.
Trump takes a stand and officially condemns mid-air collisions. They’re NOT good. It doesn’t matter what you learned in college; they are NOT good!
January 30, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Trump takes a stand and officially condemns mid-air collisions. They’re NOT good. It doesn’t matter what you learned in college; they are NOT good!
January 28, 2025 at 12:07 PM