Ben Boven
@benboven.bsky.social
I write romantic comedies and apocalypse stories featuring the tiny house lifestyle, like this one:
The Third Apocalypse: Together At The End: Book One https://a.co/d/ipDSk7j
The Third Apocalypse: Together At The End: Book One https://a.co/d/ipDSk7j
Reposted by Ben Boven
For once I'd like the menu options to carefully listen to ME. I've changed too, you know.
December 1, 2024 at 5:22 PM
For once I'd like the menu options to carefully listen to ME. I've changed too, you know.
Reposted by Ben Boven
Creamed corn is like regular corn but with foreplay involved
December 25, 2024 at 6:26 PM
Creamed corn is like regular corn but with foreplay involved
Reposted by Ben Boven
Went to a party last night and there were 5 dogs there and I have an idea for a fun new law
December 22, 2024 at 5:46 PM
Went to a party last night and there were 5 dogs there and I have an idea for a fun new law
Reposted by Ben Boven
me: [glances at license plate of bad driver]
license plate: [is from anywhere]
me: fucken typical
license plate: [is from anywhere]
me: fucken typical
December 22, 2024 at 6:05 PM
me: [glances at license plate of bad driver]
license plate: [is from anywhere]
me: fucken typical
license plate: [is from anywhere]
me: fucken typical
Reposted by Ben Boven
Whenever I part with someone, I try to say a proper goodbye, as it might just be the last time we ever see or speak to each other again. We live in a dangerous world where every moment might be your last. So, as I leave now for Trader Joe’s on the Sunday before Christmas, I wish you a fond farewell.
December 22, 2024 at 7:06 PM
Whenever I part with someone, I try to say a proper goodbye, as it might just be the last time we ever see or speak to each other again. We live in a dangerous world where every moment might be your last. So, as I leave now for Trader Joe’s on the Sunday before Christmas, I wish you a fond farewell.
Reposted by Ben Boven
Is it "safeword" or "safe word"? I wanna get this year's Christmas card just right!
December 3, 2024 at 5:01 AM
Is it "safeword" or "safe word"? I wanna get this year's Christmas card just right!
Reposted by Ben Boven
me: I hate when I walk into a room and forgot why I went in there haha
patient grabs my ankle: epipen
patient grabs my ankle: epipen
November 24, 2024 at 12:13 AM
me: I hate when I walk into a room and forgot why I went in there haha
patient grabs my ankle: epipen
patient grabs my ankle: epipen
Reposted by Ben Boven
I was like 'Meh' and she was like 'Ugh' and the priest was like 'I now pronounce you man and wife'.
November 16, 2024 at 12:35 PM
I was like 'Meh' and she was like 'Ugh' and the priest was like 'I now pronounce you man and wife'.
Reposted by Ben Boven
“Aye, there's the rub,” I announce, finding the Vicks in a busy medicine cabinet.
November 16, 2024 at 1:38 PM
“Aye, there's the rub,” I announce, finding the Vicks in a busy medicine cabinet.
Reposted by Ben Boven
They should invent a plant that screams when It's thirsty
November 16, 2024 at 1:40 PM
They should invent a plant that screams when It's thirsty
Not me getting so excited about my new laundry booster pellets that I forgot to add regular detergent.
November 16, 2024 at 4:27 PM
Not me getting so excited about my new laundry booster pellets that I forgot to add regular detergent.
Reposted by Ben Boven
Props to just stopping in the middle of the grocery aisle. Personally never tried it, but it seems big.
November 7, 2024 at 4:19 PM
Props to just stopping in the middle of the grocery aisle. Personally never tried it, but it seems big.
Reposted by Ben Boven
My phone just auto corrected "trauma dumping" to "trauma dumpling," so I painted this in case anyone would like a visual of my mental state.
How's everyone else doing?
How's everyone else doing?
November 7, 2024 at 6:06 PM
My phone just auto corrected "trauma dumping" to "trauma dumpling," so I painted this in case anyone would like a visual of my mental state.
How's everyone else doing?
How's everyone else doing?
Reposted by Ben Boven
“Don’t let politics ruin your relationships” I didn’t. It wasn’t politics, it was their blatant disregard for human decency and their ability to completely normalize the bigotry, homophobia, and racist nature of a man who has no business leading.
November 7, 2024 at 6:20 PM
“Don’t let politics ruin your relationships” I didn’t. It wasn’t politics, it was their blatant disregard for human decency and their ability to completely normalize the bigotry, homophobia, and racist nature of a man who has no business leading.
Reposted by Ben Boven
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!® personal lubricant
November 7, 2024 at 6:26 PM
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!® personal lubricant
Reposted by Ben Boven
It's so funny when girls are Republicans. Do you want a wad of chewing tobacco my little gun nut?
November 7, 2024 at 7:22 PM
It's so funny when girls are Republicans. Do you want a wad of chewing tobacco my little gun nut?
Reposted by Ben Boven
I could fly to Mars in a petty rocket filled with spite fuel
November 7, 2024 at 8:35 PM
I could fly to Mars in a petty rocket filled with spite fuel
I was worried my carry-on was over 50 pounds so I put it on the scale and at 28.8 pounds it turns out that I'm just a wimp.
November 7, 2024 at 10:19 PM
I was worried my carry-on was over 50 pounds so I put it on the scale and at 28.8 pounds it turns out that I'm just a wimp.
Reposted by Ben Boven
One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched an appendectomy.
November 2, 2024 at 8:21 PM
One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched an appendectomy.
Reposted by Ben Boven
My therapist talks to me like she's tasting wine, "I'm getting notes of rumination." First of all, Mindy, I'm not a cow. This isn't happy hour, chew on that awhile
October 22, 2024 at 12:05 PM
My therapist talks to me like she's tasting wine, "I'm getting notes of rumination." First of all, Mindy, I'm not a cow. This isn't happy hour, chew on that awhile
Reposted by Ben Boven
I try to give an accurate medical history but if you include marijuana in asking me if I use recreational drugs I'm going to say, "I have not," then under my breath, "...yet today"
October 24, 2024 at 12:36 PM
I try to give an accurate medical history but if you include marijuana in asking me if I use recreational drugs I'm going to say, "I have not," then under my breath, "...yet today"
She was rare, like a gluten-free vegan with a nut allergy.
October 17, 2024 at 3:10 AM
She was rare, like a gluten-free vegan with a nut allergy.